slow progressions

I love getting haircuts. (As in hairs cut, not like paper cuts... anyway...) I feel really good after getting my hair cut. Its like starting over. So today I didnt do anything special to it, just the usual, a shave under the long stuff, but I just feel better. For one, its been fucking hot lately around here. For two, when people ask if I have any tattoos, I can lift up my long hair and show them the spider web on the back of my head when the underside is shaved. When its grown out a bit you cant see it, and it just makes me look silly. A lot of girls dont know this, but getting your head shaved feels really good. I'm addicted. It all started with the mohawk, then I had the just bangs/ psuedo chelsea cut going on. That went back and forth for a while. Now I have the tattoo, so I think I'll be shaving the underside of my hair for a good long while, but I want to look like a girl these days, so the top is long, and I have short bangs in front. What the hell am I ranting about? I've been drinking whiskey... So... my job. I finally worked up the gumption to go out and get another job. I saw an ad in the paper that said an oil change place was looking for lube techs. I picked up an app on Wednesday, dropped it off on Friday, had an interview and was hired on Saturday, and then... Monday. Today. The manager calls me up and sounds nervous. Says he has something to tell me. He submitted my paperwork to his corporate office, only to find out that he wasnt supposed to be hiring anyone because that location is close to shutting down for good. He was calling me to tell me the job I was just hired for didnt exist anymore. I've never gotten a job and then lost it again in a matter of two days. Holy fuck. The frustration levels are unmeasurable. For so long I've been saying I wanted out of my job. Now that I've finally gotten up and done something about it, the job falls out from under me! A job I was actually kind of excited about, too!! Damn it! I was basking in the thoughts of how nice it would be to only go to job one a few days a week. I was thinking about how awesome it would be some day, when job one pissed me off so much, that I just said "Fuck this! I'm done!" and walked out, knowing I had job two to fall back on. For two days I felt like I was on top of the world. Monday morning is the perfect time to ruin my good mood. So perfect, in that not-good-at-all way, that its almost cliche. He woke me up, too. So now I'm back to square one. I feel a little more desperate now, but maybe thats a good thing. Maybe thats that last bit of inspiration I need. Yeah.. I've said that before. Heh. Anyway. I took my friend Jimmy D's advice. I'm listening to some good music, and drinkin' some whiskey, and rolling the options over in my mind. I'm going back to the temp service option for now. We'll see how that goes.

Fucking fabulous. I just got up because I smelled that oh-so-farmiliar smell of fresh cat pee. For some reason my cat has taken it upon herself to turn my blanket into her new litter box. She just started this last week sometime. Two nights in a row she peed on the blanket while I was sleeping under it! This time just now, I'm not sure it was her though. We have another cat. Just after I smelled it, he jumped down from my bed. When I got up to investigate, my cat was sitting happily on the edge. Who knows, it could have been either one of them. Anyway...

Saw the ex again last weekend. Friday night my friend (and roommate) picked me up from work and we stopped by his place (his dad's house actually). He had a friend over, and they were working in the garage. My friend and I swung by the bar, had a couple of drinks, decided it was really HOT in there, and left. We picked up a 12 pack on the way back, and hung out with the ex and his friend for a while, and then headed home. Saturday I worked again, and my friend picked me up again. And just like clockwork, we went to the ex's. I knew he was there with his other friend, and a 30 pack, so I knew it would be fun. They had gotten a lot more work done, and were just hanging around by the time we got there. After a few hours my friend wanted to go home, so she left. I wanted to stay, and thought it would be convenient to sleep there, because its only a few blocks from work, so the ex drove me to my place to pick up some stuff, and then drove me back. We had a great time just hanging out with the other guys, and the ex's dad (for a while). Later I made the all tater tots, and then french fries, and while the fries were cooking, they went on a run to Taco Bell. I forget how much a group of guys can eat sometimes. I had a really great time that night though. We actually went to bed at a decent hour, and I got plenty of sleep before I had to work on Sunday. I knew they'd be gone (to go back to the town the ex and his friend live in, about three hours away), so I said my good-byes, and the ex dropped me off at work. And I know as long as the project is going on, they'll be down every weekend to work on it. And I'll be tempted to go over there and hang out. Plus the ex is working on getting me another car, so I like to hang around to keep it on his mind. But really, I just like to be around him. And I can keep trying to make myself fall out of love with him, but it isnt working. Why do my live journal posts always end with thoughts of him? Its like I get everything else out, and then there he is, perpetually in the back of my mind. Yaaaaaaa... I should have gone to bed hours ago. Now I'm going to go to bed with him on my mind again. I want to slap myself and tell myself to knock it off. But I know that wouldnt change anything. Damn it. Well, I just took the last drink of my whiskey and coke. I guess that's it.